You Didn’t Fail Therapy. You Were Mismatched.

If you’ve ever left therapy feeling worse instead of better, you’re not alone—and you’re not broken.

One of the most common stories I hear as a therapist goes something like this:

“I tried therapy. It didn’t really help. I guess it’s just not for me.”

But here’s the thing most people are never told:

Therapy doesn’t fail because clients fail.

It fails because the fit is wrong.

And when that happens, people don’t usually storm out or make a dramatic exit.

They quietly disengage.

They stop opening up.

They blame themselves.

The Myth That Keeps People Stuck

We tend to treat therapy like a medical intervention: find a qualified provider, show up, and improvement should follow.

But therapy isn’t a prescription—it’s a relationship.

And relationships don’t work based on credentials alone. They work based on fit.

If you needed warmth and got distance,

structure and got open-ended reflection,

or tools and got silence…

that’s not resistance. That’s mismatch.

What “Fit” in Therapy Actually Means

When people hear “fit,” they often think it means liking your therapist or having things in common.

It’s deeper than that.

Fit is about alignment.

It includes things like:

• How emotionally present your therapist is

• How direct or gentle their style feels

• How much structure they provide

• How safe your nervous system feels in the room

• Whether they understand the context you live in

Two excellent therapists can feel wildly different to the same client—and only one will feel right.

Why So Many People End Up Mismatched

Most people are sent to find a therapist with:

• A headshot

• A list of specialties

• A few vague sentences that could describe almost anyone

What’s missing is guidance.

No one teaches clients how to:

• Know what they need

• Evaluate fit early

• Or leave a therapist without self-blame

So people assume the problem must be them.

It usually isn’t.

Leaving Therapy Can Be a Healthy Move

Ending therapy because it doesn’t feel right is not failure.

It’s feedback.

The first few sessions aren’t about baring your soul—they’re about noticing:

• Do I feel more grounded or more tense?

• More understood or more performative?

• More hopeful or more confused?

If something feels off, that doesn’t mean therapy won’t work for you.

It means this version of therapy might not.

A More Humane Way to Find a Therapist

This is exactly why I created a therapy matchmaking experience.

Not to replace therapy, and not to automate care—but to help people choose intentionally instead of desperately.

The process includes:

• A personalized intake that explores your goals, preferences, and therapy style

• A small number of curated therapist matches

• A clear explanation of why those matches were chosen

• Support preparing for the first session

• And a rematch option if it’s not the right fit

Because the hardest part of therapy shouldn’t be figuring out where you belong.

One Small Thing You Can Do Today

Whether or not you’re currently looking for a therapist, here’s a simple exercise:

Write down three things you need from a therapist that you’ve never said out loud.

Not what you “should” want—what you actually want.

Warmth. Direction. Space. Honesty. Slowness.

Those needs aren’t weaknesses.

They’re information.

You Deserve a Therapist Who Fits You

If therapy has ever left you feeling discouraged or confused, I hope you’ll take this in:

You’re not bad at therapy.

You weren’t doing it wrong.

You may have just been mismatched.

And when the fit is right, therapy doesn’t feel like proving yourself.

It feels like exhaling.

If you’d like to learn more about the therapy matchmaking experience—or listen to the full podcast episode—you can find the links below.

You don’t need a “perfect” therapist.

You need one that’s right for you.